If you have read any of my previous posts you’ll probably know that Japan is one of my favourite countries to visit. It has a rich culture centred on politeness, respect and graciousness (everything I love!). So when visiting Japan it’s important for Westerners to understand basic etiquette and customs in order to avoid looking uneducated and perhaps being viewed as disrespectful. This is especially important when it comes to Japanese business relationships. 

Although there are many different types of restaurants in Japan, if you’re invited for a business dinner, it’s more than likely you’ll be invited to a traditional Japanese restaurant. Your host will want to proudly share with you their culture (post Covid obviously). Therefore as a respectful guest, you need to be aware of the basic rules of Japanese table manners. There are so many rules and customs when it comes to Japanese dining that a foreigner would never be expected to know them all. However, there are a few simple rules that you can bear in mind to be a refined guest in any Japanese establishment.  

1.    Wait to be seated. Your host will have prepared a seating plan. The guest of honour has an important place at the table and hierarchy is of the utmost importance in Japan. 

2.    Don’t be surprised if you’re expected to sit at a low table without chairs, instead sitting on a ‘tatami’, a woven straw mat on the floor. You shouldn’t sit with your legs out spread out directly in front of you under the table as this is too casual. Instead,  men can sit cross-legged and women can sit with their legs modestly placed to one side. If your host adopts the more formal ‘seiza’ position (legs tucked underneath body) then you should try to do the same.  

3.    Typically the host will offer a toast at the beginning of the meal. The correct etiquette when toasting is to raise your glass and say ‘Kanpai’. If you are the guest of honour then you must reciprocate, preferably immediately after the first toast.  

4.    After cleaning your hands with a wet towel, the host will say ‘Itadakimasu’ (I greatly receive) before starting the meal. This is the standard way to express gratitude at the start of every meal. At the very least be sure to nod your head politely as an alternative form of gratitude. 

5.    If the chopsticks are in a paper wrapper, watch how your host will remove the paper and fold it horizontally in half and then tie it in a knot to create a chopstick rest before placing it at the right hand side of the plate. Now you can try it! 

6.    Other important points about chopsticks to be aware of - when sharing from a communal plate it is polite to turn your chopsticks round and use the blunt ends (the opposite end from which you eat) to take food from the shared dish. Don’t pass the food from chopsticks to chopsticks – it’s a very offensive gesture in Asian cultures and placing your chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice is also considered very rude. 

 7.    A soup bowl may be lifted up (with both hands) from the table to your mouth so that you can avoid any spills. 

8.    As in Western cultures, it’s polite to serve others a drink instead of yourself. The difference with Japanese etiquette is to not pour yourself a drink after you have finished pouring for others. Rather you should wait for someone else to pour your drink for you.  

9.    At the end of the meal everyone will say ‘Gochisosama deshita ‘ (thank you for the great meal). Remember for a foreigner, a nod or two of the head will suffice but the end of the meal must be acknowledged.

10. Where’s dessert? Don’t be surprised if there’s no dessert after the meal. It’s not typical in Japan to eat in the same manner that we do in the West. Something sweet may be served along with savoury foods however if you’re lucky, your host will take you to a local dessert bar. Look out for the sweetened red beans with rice cake, served hot with a side dish of pickles for those who find it too sweet!

Imagine… pickles with dessert… unusual but delicious!!

Julia Esteve

The Etiquette Consultant