How do I look with my elbows on the dining table? Do you think it’s ok to do this? Is this an old fashioned rule that should be ignored? Is this important in modern dining etiquette?? Well let’s find out why it can be a good thing to have your elbows ON the table!!!

Let’s start with a little history.

There have been references to biblical times about this subject and how the rule of no elbows on the table actually began. For many other people they just accepted without any question their parents declaration that it was impolite. However I prefer to believe find the logic behind the many ‘rules’ of etiquette. One train of thought is that the rule of elbows ‘off’ the table originated during the middle ages. At this time period, particularly in England, the dining tables were not constructed in the same as they are constructed now. They were actually ‘trestles’ and therefore less solid, and without a fixed base. A trestle would be covered with a simple cloth before dining to give a more elaborate appearance. Platters of food would be placed on one side (length) of the table and the guests would all be seated on the other side along the length of the table. If the guests were to lean on the table in any way (or place their elbows on the table) the table could actually collapse, hence the rule of no elbows on the table!! This seems logical but is it still relevant nowadays? You can decide for yourself.

Here are some thoughts as to why you should keep your elbows OFF the table:

Space

Generally speaking, dining tables, particularly formal dining tables, have a limited amount of space for plates, utensils and glassware. This means that probably, there will not be enough space for your elbows while you are eating (I repeat, while you are eating!). Placing your elbows on the table means that you will have to place them outside of the silverware (table setting) which in turn means that you are potentially moving into someone else’s space! If you keep your elbows off the table, they will automatically be closer to your body so you will avoid invading the space of those around you and help avoid any bumps and spills at the same time!

Digestion

If you eat with your elbows on the table, your upper spine will slouch or bend forward toward the table. Therefore the posture of your ribs and lower back are compromised and compressed. As a result, your stomach becomes squashed and that’s not good news for your digestion. Simple!

Appearance

Slouching has never given anyone a positive image! If you slouch at the dining table it may not appear as a negative ‘look’ initially, but after a few moments it can be easy to slip into a ‘super slouch’ when your upper body follows the elbows onto the table! Not. A. Good. Look!! Elbows on the table can also prevent guests on either side of you from talking to you, particularly if you are leaning forward and they can’t have eye contact with you. Super rude!!

So when can you keep your elbows on the table?

Obviously it depends on the situation. I recommend that when dining formally you should never put your elbows on the table. However as with many ‘rules’ of etiquette there are exceptions. So here’s why putting your elbows on the table can be a positive thing…

Body language & Conversation

Leaning towards another person is a very important part of positive body language. It can be a form of mirroring, which is a great way of using our body language to encourage friendship. Leaning forward demonstrates that you are engaged, interested and focused on the person. During a meal, particularly at a business meal, this can actually be quite important. Placing your elbows on the table can emphasize interest and concentration so it’s not necessarily a bad thing to do. While having a conversation at the dining table it can put others at ease as long it’s controlled and not accompanied by any slouching!!

Rule of Thumb?

Always avoid elbows on the dining table while eating or while food is being served. However doing so between courses or at the end of a meal when the table has been cleared will unlikely raise any eyebrows!

Stay Classy!

Julia Esteve

The Etiquette Consultant